Sometimes
By: rubyslippahs
Category: Uncategorized
| Aperture: | f/5.6 |
|---|---|
| Focal Length: | 40mm |
| ISO: | 400 |
| Shutter: | 1/0 sec |
| Camera: | DSLR-A300 |
Sometimes I write as catharsis, sometimes to sort out what I’m feeling, sometimes in the hope that someone else will see this and neither of us will feel quite so alone. Most of the time, I’m not afraid of what others will think when they read this. The only thing I do fear is that it might be taken out of context (a horrible crime) and used against me or my family, especially regarding the kids. That fear sometimes makes me want to delete the entire blog and leave the cyberworld altogether.
But then I think about how kids learn: by observation and emulation. What kind of example is that to set, to be something less than myself and to hide in fear? We don’t live like that otherwise. We dance on the couch, sing at the top of our lungs in the car, have a family portrait hanging over the television proudly drawn by the five-year-old.
And that’s just it: we live honestly. We have a sign in our daughter’s room, a Ralph Waldo Emerson quote (many of my favorites are RWE) that says, “Be silly, be honest, be kind.” Without thinking, this is how our family life is — silly, honest, and kind. The first part may have gotten her in trouble in music class one day. We are learning about moderation. That’s a hard concept in kindergarten.
Enter my friends. My wonderful, zany, loving friends. Some friends you make because you’re all a little lonely, and having those friends makes you less so. Sometimes, you get lucky, and those people are true friends, people who would reciprocate that extra mile you feel you give uncredited so often.
Sometimes, they do see you for the person you are or are trying to become, and not the exhausted, bedraggled, battle-weary mom who is too lethargic and down to crawl up out of the pit of depression. And those people bring you homemade enchiladas and flowers and chocolate.
It’s funny how something as simple as a flower or Mexican spices infuse a bit of life back into your soul.
I’m not ready to take off on a happy marathon yet, just warming up with people who understand the long game much better than I do.
Bipolar Diaries 
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